


until the sky is blue once more

by UmiHinode



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Character Study, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Relationship Study, Suicide Attempt, Zine: Urban Legend - A Durarara!! Zine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmiHinode/pseuds/UmiHinode
Summary: Masaomi extends his hand into the darkness, but Mikado is out of reach.( my piece for the durarara zine urban legend! )
Relationships: Kida Masaomi & Orihara Izaya, Kida Masaomi & Ryuugamine Mikado
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	until the sky is blue once more

It's only natural that people change.

Whether it be from time, realizations, or myriad other reasons, rarely do people stay exactly the same for long. Ikebukuro, for one, is infamous for changing people. Few escape life unscathed in the city that never sleeps.

Kida Masaomi knew this all too well. As a middle schooler, he had founded one of the most notorious color gangs in the city, leading kids his age into battles they should never have had to prepare for. He had watched his life change in the blink of an eye, growing from no more than a bright-eyed boy to a brash shogun upon his bloodstained throne.

He knew all of this, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to comprehend what was right there in front of him.

"Mikado...where did you get that?"

♂♀

The signs were there from the start. There had always been something more to Mikado, but Masaomi could never quite name what he was feeling — rather, he refused to. Mikado was Mikado; that's all that mattered to him. He was the sheltered boy who seldom left his house (really only at Masaomi's beck and call), who was embarrassed easier than just about anyone, who was oddly perceptive, and who, most importantly, was ordinary. Puny, generous, decent, and ordinary.

"Kida-kun!" A young Mikado had whispered as loud as he could while tapping on Masaomi's window, hoping to draw his attention. Drowsy, Masaomi trudged over and opened the window. Upon seeing just how tired he had looked, Mikado's face flushed. "D-Do you want to go somewhere?"

At the time, hearing that simple question had made Masaomi beyond prideful. After years of pestering him and dragging him on an abundance of adventures, it looked like Mikado was finally coming out of his shell. Naturally, Masaomi couldn't tell him no. His feet were on the ground before Mikado knew it.

To Masaomi's dismay, this exploit hadn't ended up meaning much. Exhausted, Mikado had collapsed to the ground before they had even reached their destination. He had just enough energy to roll over onto his back and gaze up at the stars. Masaomi, unable to stay angry with him for long, plopped down beside him and looked up. A crystal clear sky greeted him, stars sparkling as far as the eye could see. Night skies like this were possibly the only beautiful thing Saitama had to offer, something the two boys could agree on.

"Hey," Masaomi starts, lips moving before he can fully process his thoughts. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Dazed, Mikado murmurs, "I...don't know." Masaomi catches him nervously looking to the stars. "I want to do something special. That's all I know."

Masaomi laughs innocently. "Here in the middle of nowhere? Good luck." Out of the corner of his eye he can see Mikado frowning, so with an encouraging smile he adds, "We could do something together."

That gets Mikado's attention. Masaomi dons a smile as Mikado's eyes light up, his heart silently breaking as the realization that he needs to tell Mikado he's moving soon rises to the surface.

To think that, had things turned out differently, they could have founded the Dollars together, or Masaomi could have stopped it from happening at all. To realize that, had that been the case, Masaomi wouldn't be trembling as he now was.

Mikado's smile is pained, though his grip on the weapon in his hand is firm. "So I guess even a guy like you is afraid of guns."

"Was it my fault?" Masaomi asks, though in his heart he believes he knows the answer. He was a coward, after all. If he had just moved his legs, if he hadn't gone back to the warehouse, if he hadn't left Ikebukuro…

Masaomi's life was plagued by "what ifs," and right in front of him was the most terrifying of all — _what if Mikado shoots someone?_

Part of him wants to laugh; the other part wants to cry. Just months ago, he had believed him and Mikado to be closer than ever before. They weren't alone anymore. Together with Anri, everything felt perfect. Masaomi could almost feel normal again, something he had been denied for so long. He'd never in his wildest dreams imagine being held at gunpoint by his dear childhood friend, but that was the reality of living in Ikebukuro.

Here in this wonderful, rotten city, the possibilities were endless, especially those surrounding Ryuugamine Mikado and Kida Masaomi. The threads that bound these two boys were impossible to untangle, sure to bring about their shared demise whether by a push or a shove, or maybe something else entirely. Question marks surrounded the pair — would it be Mikado, Masaomi, or possibly even both who brought about their end? Or, as Masaomi had spent so long fearing, would it be someone from the outside, something neither of them could control?

In Masaomi's mind, there were but two options: himself, and the man he hated more than anyone. More than he could even hate himself. Even if it had in fact been his own fault, he had a scapegoat. After deliberately piecing everything together, it was only natural that he would come to such a conclusion, that in spite of all humans being gifted with the beauty of free will, it would somehow be "that bastard's" fault rather than that of Mikado's.

Masaomi has a lot of hatred inside of him, for someone so young.

Just what will he do with that hatred, one has to wonder. Can he, coward he perceives himself as, defend himself against one of the people he cares about the most?

Love and hate are different sides of the same coin, after all. Both have equal opportunity to bring their downfall. Falling because of love sounds more ideal, doesn't it?

It's not about being ideal; it's about being interesting. That's the beauty of humans; there's never a right answer. There's always a different perspective.

That isn't the case for Masaomi. In his mind, there's only one thing he has to do. Something he's failed to do. He asks himself, how many times has he just stood by on the sidelines? How many chances did he have before now that he didn't take?

His frustration, his desperation only grows as Mikado rambles on. Aiming the gun to the sky, Mikado says, "The Dollars will become an urban legend. I'm going to erase their existence, and only the name will live on in this city. And this trumped-up legend will be reborn, over and over."

When he looks back at Masaomi, his gaze is haunting. Gone is the sparkle in his eyes, and the light in his smile. Mikado is empty, and what hurts Masaomi more is realizing that this isn't the first time he's seen him like this.

_"I'm sorry, Masaomi. Just wait...just wait a bit longer."_

Mikado had smiled like not a thing was wrong then, as blood trickled down his face, as he held the lighter he had just used to set a man on fire in his hand. Masaomi could only stand and watch. After all, Mikado's smile was the only thing not out of place — there was the boy he knew.

Was this how Mikado had felt upon finding him in the warehouse?

"So what are you going to do?" Mikado challenges. "Are you going to stop me?"

"I could never do anything for you. But I can take you on in a fight at least!"

It really was his own fault in the end, wasn't it? If he hadn't been selfish and just let Mikado keep on living his mundane life, if they hadn't seen the Headless Rider pass by them that night...

He's tired of being a coward. So, so tired.

"I'm gonna drag you right back into that ordinary life you hate so much! You're not an urban legend, like the Headless Rider!"

_"I want to do something special. That's all I know."_

Mikado slowly lowers the gun, tears in his eyes. Masaomi can't smile, but something stirs inside his chest - a spark of hope. _Please, Mikado._

Voice quivering, Mikado replies, "You really are tough after all. I always envied you for that. I really did want to defeat you. So right now, no matter what I have to do, even if I'm branded a coward—" he raises his weapon once more. "—I'm gonna reject what you said with everything I've got!"

Masaomi jumps, freeing himself from the strings of his marionette—

—the gun fires—

—and falls to the ground as Masaomi knocks their foreheads together. The gun, tiny yet powerful, drops to Masaomi's feet as Mikado, weak as ever, stumbles back. Masaomi kicks his bad leg out as hard as he can and the gun skids to the other side of the rooftop. Mikado doesn't react as Masaomi lunges at him, yelling, "You idiot!"

The threads that bind drag them down together.

An interrogation plays out in Masaomi's mind as they fall, drawing him closer and closer to asking this shell of Mikado, _"What happened to you? You say you're gonna reject me, yet you don't do a damn thing!"_ What leaves his mouth is, "A place we could come home to? What good would that do if you can't come back with us?!"

Right now, Mikado's motivations don't matter. Masaomi's going to bring him back, whether he likes it or not — back into the light where he had once thrived, his back turned to the devil pulling his strings.

He's somehow both highly aware of his punches and his words, both completely unrestrained, yet he's all too distant at the same time. Tears cloud his vision as Anri comes to mind and he remembers the mix of concern and hope drawn across her face when he had last seen her. In another world, one where the three of them were completely normal high school students, they'd probably be out enjoying their summer vacation together right about now. He'd tell some stupid joke, and Anri would laugh out of pity while Mikado relentlessly teased him, only to immediately blush as Masaomi nudged him in Anri's direction.

Somewhere along the way, Masaomi had convinced himself he wasn't worthy of a normal life, but he'd be damned if he wouldn't push Mikado towards one.

With Mikado defenseless, this was his chance. Finally, everything would—

A pain unlike anything he's felt before shoots through his leg, and before he knows it he's on his side, back turned to Mikado. Mikado's talking again, and Masaomi catches something about a terrorist, but the words filter right through him. It isn't until he manages to grasp onto, "That's why I should end along with the Dollars," that he gains the strength to turn around. He's never heard Mikado this defeated, and there's a hopelessness Masaomi recognizes all too well in his voice.

"Masaomi...I'm sorry."

Masaomi extends his hand into the darkness, but Mikado is out of reach.

It's just like the night with Saki all over again. Right when he needs to move the most, he's paralyzed with fear. Mikado saved him in the warehouse — so why can't he return the favor? He's not one to believe in miracles, but anything's possible in Ikebukuro, so for a moment, he silently wishes to whoever might happen to hear him, _Let me reach him._

Elsewhere in the city, Anri flinches as a scream reaches her ears.

_"MIKADO!"_

There's not a star in the sky tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I'm so, so sorry that I haven't posted in so long. It's been a hectic year for me, but I'm back now, and with a piece I've been waiting quite some time to share! I'm so grateful to have been a part of the Urban Legend team, and that the mods put this zine together in the first place. The DRRR fandom isn't what it used to be, but there are enough of us who still hold this wild series close to our hearts, and the zine is the perfect demonstration of that.
> 
> I got a little ambitious with this piece... I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do with it thanks to my good old friend hindsight, which is why I'll be adding a second chapter sometime soon! The biggest thing I wanted to do with this fic (aside from write about masaomi and mikado of course) was to have Izaya see the fruits of his labor since he wasn't present for any of this (and he would probably be upset about that, haha). I thought it would be interesting to see his interpretation of what happened. I've never had a character narrate one of my fics before, and I really wanted to try it out since drrr's anime especially utilizes this type of narration. That aside, I also tried shifting between present and past tense during flashbacks to demonstrate the dissonance that Masaomi's experiencing. I'm really curious about how you all feel about these elements, as well as the fic as a whole, seeing as I'm pretty biased.
> 
> If you're interested in the zine, leftover sales just opened today and are available at drrrzine.bigcartel.com! The shop closes on August 26th (or until they sell out)!
> 
> Alright, rambling and shameless promotion over. Thank you so much for reading! I'll be back with a continuation soon!


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